I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
