I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
