My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
