Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
