Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
