ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize