It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
