i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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