dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
