Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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