DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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