i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
