as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
