there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
