Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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