When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
