Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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