So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
