I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
