he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
