I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
