Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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