Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
