Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
