he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
