Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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