I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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