worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
