Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Randomize
