you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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