return my video game
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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