Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
