yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
