I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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