That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
