my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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