are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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