Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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