When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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