Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
