Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
