I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Randomize
