ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
