I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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