grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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