i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I have grass duct taped all over my body
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
