at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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