remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
