Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
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I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
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Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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