So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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