There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
