so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
