I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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