That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
