It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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