After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
