And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
