Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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