I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
