Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
