I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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