I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
