so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
