she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
