its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.