i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
