Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
