This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
