I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
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After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
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What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
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