stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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