gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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