How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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