So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
