wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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