I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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