i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
