So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
