Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
