How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
