My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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