I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
