my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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