last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
