how can u be prego again
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You ruined the universe
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
