I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
