I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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